You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
