Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
