just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm really busy with my period
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