he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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