I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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