My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
