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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
