the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
