her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
