JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
