Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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