Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
