Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
