Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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