I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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