did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
