when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
