"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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