In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
