If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
