woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
