bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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