Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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