I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
