aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
