the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
