I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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