i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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