..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
