It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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