i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
