we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My liver just had a heart attack.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
