That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
