I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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