he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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