I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
