All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
