What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
