First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He has the fingertips of a God
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
