He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
