I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
