My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
