Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
