he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
