Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
