I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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