Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
