I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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