I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
