i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
