You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
