I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
